


Evil Smoochies

by Spastic_Starfish



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Cheering charms, Christmas, F/M, Mistletoe, Short One Shot, what could go wrong?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-02
Updated: 2016-02-02
Packaged: 2018-05-17 15:04:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5875399
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spastic_Starfish/pseuds/Spastic_Starfish
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hermione and Ron get into an argument over Cheering charms and spells go bouncing everywhere. What happens when one hits an unintended and terrifying target?</p><p>Kisses, that's what!!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Evil Smoochies

It was the night before Christmas and all the Whos ... Well, actually it was the fortnight before Christmas, but she'd always loved that story. And if it was the night before Christmas she'd be at home with her parents right now, baking sugar-free cookies and watching the Disney special, not listening to this whining.  
  
"I'm telling you, Hermione, it's just not working!"  
  
Ron shook his wand as if making it motion sick would have any beneficial effects on its magical performance.  
  
She sighed good-naturedly. They had the day before been given an assignment in Charms, a 'covert Cheering expedition' as Professor Flitwick excitedly had called it. The assignment was to enter the holiday spirit by selflessly and anonymously casting a Cheering charm on a random person to spread Christmas cheer. So far, all Ron had spread were burnt hair and slaps to the face.  
  
"Maybe you're not doing it right," she argued, observing him as he went through the motions one more time.  
  
"I followed Flitwick's instructions perfectly this time! I want it to work. Why isn't it working, 'Mione?"  
  
The pathetic moue on his face and use of the dreaded nickname was all it took to push her into action.  
  
"Oh, alright, let me see that."  
  
She snatched his wand from him, turning it this way and that, carefully eyeing the wood to ascertain if it was worm-ridden or if it smelled out of sorts. Aside from a slight charry quality as a result of the last half hour's entanglements, it seemed perfectly fine.  
  
"Let me try something."  
  
With a swish and flick, she executed a flawless Cheering Charm; the bright pink ray of sparks travelling leisurely down the hallway.  
  
"See?" she said, handing back the offending piece of wood, "nothing wrong with the wand. That means the error lies with the caster."  
  
Ron's shoulder drooped considerably.  
  
"Bloody hell ..." he mumbled, "and I had such a good idea, too."  
  
Hermione's eyes narrowed dangerously. She'd known him for far too long not to question any 'bright' ideas surfacing from the cesspool of Ron's mind.  
  
"What idea?"  
  
"Nothing," Ron answered, far too quickly for his own good and started down the hall towards the nearest staircase. Hermione followed tenaciously.  
  
"Somehow I doubt it was nothing; no, it's definitely a something, Ronald. Spill!"  
  
He stopped, shuffling his feet and refusing to meet her gaze.  
  
"I eh, ItriedtocasttheCheeringcharmofthatgitSnapebutitdidn'tworkandIdon'tknowwhy, alright?"  
  
Even Hermione's considerably fast brain took a second to catch up with Ron's mouth. Then she stomped her feet in exasperation.  
  
"Ronald! What was the first thing Flitwick said when we got that assignment?"  
  
"Uhm, don't forget to swish and flick?"  
  
She sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose.  
  
"BEFORE that, the one thing he told us not to do? Maybe you recall? 'Do not try to cast the Cheering charm on Professor Snape; he will take it as a personal affront and curse you with the inability to do the spell for 24 hours, plus he carries the Draught of Depression around in his pocket at all times during the Christmas season and will resist any attempt to lighten his spirits'."  
  
Ron's eyes grew wide and impressed.  
  
"Cor, Hermione, you remembered all that word for word? You rule!"  
  
Hermione threw up her arms in defeat.  
  
"That is not the point, Ron! The point is that you can't cast the Cheering charm before tomorrow's class because you couldn't follow the simplest, most direct of instructions. Merlin, sometimes I don't know why I bother with you!"  
  
"Well, maybe because my apparent _idiocy_ makes you appear so much smarter, eh? Maybe that's why. Or maybe it's because you actually _like_ me, ever think of that? Trust me, if anyone around here needs a Cheering charm, it's YOU!"  
  
"Oh yeah? _Oh yeah?_ We'll see about that, Ronald Weasley! How I could ever like such an incorrigible, irresponsible, imbecilic, impertinent and unintelligent tosser like you? First thing tomorrow I am owling your mother and telling her you're failing Charms, then we'll hear what she has to say about that, and she won't be as discreet about it as I am!" Her final screech could, for reference, be heard a good 1.4 miles away.  
  
Ron gaped at her, not aware or just not caring how well his physical apparel matched Hermione's, let's be honest, not entirely fair description.  
  
"You'd write my mother? What kind of friend are you? And I'm not failing; it's just a low patch. I'll make it up before the holidays, just you wait and see."  
  
Hermione crossed her arms and took a step back, smirking slightly which oddly enough suited her face quite nicely.  
  
"Not without borrowing my notes, you won't."  
  
Ron's face grew increasingly redder with ill-suppressed anger.  
  
"You think I can't study on my own? Fine, you're on. I'll show you I can do well in class, without your help!"  
  
"Fine."  
  
"Fine!"  
  
"Can't wait to see that, just make sure you ..." Hermione took one more step towards the stairway and ...  
  
Suddenly she couldn't move.  
  
She tried lifting one foot, which went reasonably well, but when she moved to put it down in front of the other, it hit an invisible barrier and didn't budge. She tried walking backwards with the same result. Finally she turned towards Ron, face like a thunderstorm.  
  
"What did you do to me? Let me go, Ron!"  
  
Ron, in the meantime, stood covering his mouth to muffle the guffawing laughter threatening to escape. His face was, if possible, even redder than before.  
  
Hermione huffed at him angrily and almost fell down. Ron's shoulders shook even more at that and pointed to the ceiling. Hermione followed his finger and gasped.  
  
An enchanted sprig of mistletoe hung from the ceiling in a red ribbon, mocking her with its presence. Her face fell.  
  
"Ron, please ..." She switched tactics completely, going for her best puppy eyes.  
  
He shook his head with a smug expression. "Oh, no, you've been insulting me all day. Serves you right to be caught here until some poor bastard takes pity on you. You're not getting a kiss out of me."  
  
"But Rooooon," she begged, "classes just ended. No one will be by here before supper. Please help."  
  
He made a pensive face as though he was considering it. Hermione decided to swallow her pride. Being forced to kiss whoever was willing, even (urgh!) Crabbe or Goyle before she could go free was just not worth it.  
  
"Pretty please, Ron? I'll let you borrow my notes, okay, just kiss me!"  
  
A 'miauff' interrupted their discussion and they both turned their heads to see Mrs. Norris slinking up the stairs, closely followed by her owner and biggest (read: only) fan, Argus Filch.  
  
There was something ... off about Filch today. A weak pink corona surrounded him and the wrinkled, twisted face was even more askew than usually because he seemed to be smiling.  
  
Hermione turned back to Ron, her urgency evident.  
  
"Come on, Ron, you know I didn't mean it. Well, not as much as I meant it when I said it. Please, just kiss me and get it over with."  
  
Ron in return crossed his arms, copying her previous pose.  
  
"I'm not sure that's enough incentive, 'Mione, sorry. I really should leave you to think about your attitude for a few hours."  
  
"Ronald ...!"  
  
Filch reached the top step and looked from one to the other with a wide, brown grin. It was even scarier than one might imagine, if one had an imagination that good.  
  
"What do we 'ave 'ere, kiddies? Oh, yes, the old mistletoe trick. That old fart Albus, way too fond of that one." He _giggled_ to himself.  
  
Hermione turned wide, frightened eyes to Ron who met her gaze with one of his own.  
  
_So that's where that wayward Cheering charm went,_ Hermione thought and shuddered.  
  
Filch didn't seem to notice their unease.  
  
"So, can't get free, eh? What, the young man 'ere not doing it for ya? If such is the case, I'll gladly volunteer my services!" He smiled a wide brown-teethed smile and Hermione had to look away to not lose her breakfast, lunch and the supper she hadn't had yet.  
  
Ron quickly stepped forward with a twisted grin, trying not to get too close to the clearly deranged caretaker as he shielded Hermione behind him.  
  
"Eh, no, thank you very much for your concern, but I think we've got it covered. Uhm, do carry on your good work, don't mind us."  
  
Filch frowned slightly and actually looked a bit disappointed.  
  
"Oh, okay, but if you need any 'elp, don't hesitate to call. I'm always around close by."  
  
He winked at them both, turned and continued whistling up the stairs, still surrounded by soft, pink sparks of magic and happily conversing with Mrs. Norris who looked as ill at ease as everyone else.  
  
The two teenagers looked at each other, both feeling something too strong to be mere relief.  
  
"Oh, thank Merlin," Hermione groaned and slumped against the invisible wall still holding her. Ron shook his head in disgust.  
  
"Urgh, I wouldn't wish that on anyone, not even that git Malfoy."  
  
"Me, neither," she agreed.  
  
"Well," Ron said, gathering his Gryffindor courage about him, "I guess I might as well kiss you now. You know, in case he comes back." He blushed inexplicably.  
  
Hermione smiled shyly.  
  
"I'd appreciate that. You know, just in case."  
  
Ron nodded way too many times for someone not sitting on a dashboard.  
  
"Yeah, uhm ... Let's get to it then."

Hermione later surmised that as first kisses went, it could have been under much more romantic circumstances, but then again, it was pretty darn good as it was.  
And what could really be more romantic than being saved from captivity and the evil smoochies of a hideous monster by her very own knight in red hair and shiny Prefect's badge?

**Author's Note:**

> Another Challenge Response from The Hideaway, though for the life of me I can't remember what the challenge was.
> 
> Hope you enjoy it, anyway.


End file.
